May 25, 2010

Subject:

Mom,

First and foremost and I want to say how much of a strength you've been to me through all of this. without you I don't think I would still be here. I treasure your weekly emails and that letter you gave me on July 19th 2009, more than I do sometimes the scriptures. I also want to thank you for your constant, unchanging, and inspiring motherly love that you seem to shed on me, every morning I rise. I'm not quite sure how you do, but even though I am thousands of miles away, I feel that you are so near. Interesting enough we went to an Island today, took a little tiny boat and it started stormy, when landed on this little island and it just rained like crazy and was rainy, perhaps you were really thinking of me ha! I wish I could express everything that was in my heart, but I know that email and talking on the phone twice a year is sufficient, So I hope that you will trust me when I say: I love you more than you will ever truly know, and the reason I am still here is because of you.

In regards to Tiffany, I'm extremely proud of her, I really am. I am happy she is experiencing the world and doing what she feels she needs to do. I believe that God calls people to certain positions in their lives and they need not "Hide Their Talents" (The parable of Christ in the New Testament when his servants hid their talents at the last day the Lord takes away the talents from the one who hid it and never multiplied his talents) At the same time, I hope it's for the right reasons. In all honesty and truth, the things I am doing is not for anyone but myself, the God that gave me life, and for his children that often persecute, mock, or love me. I don't pride in the recognition I have or for the callings I've received in the mission. If it were up to me, I would have it that I got no callings, I do like leading missionaries here, but when you become a leader, the other missionaries from your batch take it to heart and there is always people comparing themselves it gets really old. It also gets really difficult because you need to be an example all the time and you answer for all their mistakes, which I know you are used to. I just hope Tiffany is gaining self-confidence, is finding out who she is, doing things for the right reasons, and discovering how great God is.

Zachary, I couldn't be happier than I am in him right now, I really see the tremendous blessings being poured at on everyone of my family, ESPECIALLY him. I love him and have all trust in what he is doing. I know him; he is my best friend, my little brother, and my inspiration. I look at the football picture you sent almost every morning and I smile, I'm so excited to come back and watch his Junior and Senior games. However, at the same time I am so scared for him. That story about that kid who "Roids" I'm afraid he is in a time in his life where there’s a ton of GOOD and BAD influences. I know exactly what goes on in High School. I was young once too ;), I have friends who fell into the darkness of drugs, steroids, drinking, and even the obsession of sex and immortality. My only advice for you Bro, is stay up man. Be real, be smart, and don’t do anything stupid. Like Joseph from the Old Testament story, RUN If you have to (Thanks Sister Morris) Don't get caught up in trying to be better than everyone, don't get caught up in Pride. Stay humble I promise you it's worth it, If you want an example of who you should be...look at Floyd Mayweather, he's an amazing athlete, but look at the way he conducts himself, his arrogance and pride bespeaks ignorance and lack of intelligence. You will do amazing things!
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Jessica, Mom, tells me your going through a challenging time right now.. Jessica I urge you, as a brother, friend, and one of your best friends. rise to a higher standard, stand a little taller, be better than you have ever been. You’re a strong and beautiful girl and need to ensure that you surround yourself with people that love you and respect you. You are a hardworking an successful business woman and will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind too..I still think you should get into animal care field.. Maybe not between you and MOM you guys would bring everything home, just for awhile as MOM use to say.. I promise you in the name of Jesus Christ, if you start doing the things you know you must do, as hard and as tough as it seems right now things will change and you will find your place and happiness… I am going to tell you what Mom tells me regularly,, I am always with you, TODAY ITS WINDY AND AS IT HITS ME IN THE FACE I THINK OF WHAT Mom ALWAYS Tells me..WHEN YOU FEEL THAT WIND IN YOUR FACE, THAT RAIN ON YOUR CHEEK.. THE SWEAT ON YOUR BROW.. ITS YOUR BROTHER REACHING OUT 6500 MILES FROM YOU STILL HOLDING AND COMFORTING HIS BIG SISTER ….ITS ME GIVING YOU THE BREEZE TO CATCH YOUR BREATH, THE RAIN TO COOL YOU OFF AND SWEAT TO MAKE YOU STRONG.. WITHOUT THE ABILITY TO THINK THOSE THOUGHTS AND KNOW THE LOVE AND YET SADNESS THAT CONSUMES ME HERE, IT WOULD BE OVER WHELMING. I KNOW THAT THE SAME GREAT STARS YOU SEE AT NIGHT OR THE MOON OVER YOUR HEAD.. ARE THE SAME THAT COME TO ME HERE AND THEY HERE MY PRAYERS TO PROTECT YOU, KEEP YOU STRONG,
KEEP YOU FOCUSED, TAKE AWAY ANY FEAR, LONELINESS, FATIGUE, OR FEELINGS OF DEFEAT.. TO TAKE ALL THAT FROM YOUR GRASP AND SEND IT TO ME.. TO SHARE, FIX OR JUST HOLD ONTO.
I BELIEVE THE STARS ARE THE ANGELS/EYES TO THE LORD LOOKING OUT FOR ALL OF US..
WE HAVE UNCLE BUD, GREAT NAN. ME MAW AND THEY ARE ALL ON OUR SIDE THEY UNDERSTAND AND BELIEVE IN BOTH OF US, SO THAT WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TIME IN OUR LIVES AND BOTH BE BETTER PEOPLE.. THESE ARE THE TIMES OF TRIALS AND TRIBULATION FOR BOTH OF US..
. . You're life will change. I urge you! Please I say this out of Love and in the depths of humility. Whatever decision you make in your life I will be behind you, but I will continually push and persuade you to higher planes. I know you can do it sister!

Curt, I cannot thank you enough for the opportunities you've given me in my youth; they have been of eternal consequence. I'm becoming the man I want to be, because I had an example to look up to and to emulate. I know you still have your flaws, we all do. You've given me many strengths and I thank you for all that you’ve done for me. I want to apologize for not spending enough time with you while growing up, I was a brat of a kid, but we shall spend more time when I get back. I plan on getting really good at golf, because I know I have no hope against Zach in Basketball, Volleyball, Track, Baseball, Football, or really any sport for that matter, the boy is a machine.. Heck he probably golf’s like a Pro too, what happen there.. He obviously got a double scoop of athletic abilities…. At least I will have a club to keep him at bay and you have golf clubs and a Visa Card ;)

Mom, The other night, we were teaching English to a group of members here in Boac, and I glanced at the moon and it made an amazing impact on me. It was a half crescent or it looked liked "God's Toe Nail" and above it was a star (which I later found out was Mars) it was a beautiful sight, it made me think of you and the love you continue to shower on me. Something that I've learned here mom recently. Is that some things our out of our control. I've been fighting and striving and helping members with their drinking problems and it literally kills me when we stop buy and their drunk, then I have to run the church here the President doesn't show up to church, by giving speaks, blessing the Sacrament, organizing the classes, teaching and teaching It's heartbreaking to be rejecting and to pull these children metaphorically out of the street and way of danger, but nevertheless see them run in again and get hit by a car. So Mom, my advice to you now is...Let go! Let go of all that stress. It's a hard feeling to let go of responsibility, but the "Responsibility" That you hold is not yours to hold. You worry and focus and want to help so many people which is amazing and shows the extreme size of your heart...but you it's not your battle to fight. You can only pull a child out of the street so much, you can only tell someone to do something so many times, in the end they must make the decisions of this dark and dreary world for themselves. If they choose wrong, you will be there to pick them up, but until then, let them free. If that means, if they have to file bankruptcy let them pay the bills, If that means that one of your children ruins their lives through bad decisions, at least you did your part, be there to pick them up and dust them off. Let them make their decisions, but mom it's their decisions to make. I say this out of gratitude and humility not out of pride. I know mom if you let go some of the stress you have, focus on the family, focus on your happiness, focus on your marriage. It seems everyone this day is looking for people to blame and looking for excuses for failures, stop being a crutch to them, let them fall, let them realize they are not what they think they are, then slowly build them up to something greater. Like a building, if you have a weak foundation, you must destroy it first then rebuild it. Mom destroy your old foundation of stress and rebuilding it with compassion and love, but learn to love yourself more Mom, because your amazing!

Nanny and Papa ,Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I thank you for the opportunity I had to speak to you the other day. I can't even write my feelings I have for you here, you've influenced my life that I cannot even understand yet. The things you've taught me have eternal consequences. Just know I love you so much and miss you


Now, I've thought about this next thing I am going to say and perhaps it was expected to come a lot of earlier than this, but this one thing I know is true. I know all the joy and happiness I have in this life is a direct result of two things. And that's you all my family, and the church. The love I have from you all is exemplified and I truly understand it because of the church and it's teachings because of the goodness of God. Now please listen to this next thing I want to say, please pay heed to what I have to say, I don't say this as a brainwashed missionary or an uneducated 20 year old kid, I say this as a loving, homesick, and heartbroken Son and Missionary. I know that if you read the book of Mormon it will change all your lives. I know that if you listen to the message of the missionaries you will find joy that cannot be explained. I don't have to convince you, you will be convinced. God will manifest the truth of it unto you all. I urge you I beg you, If I was in front of you I would say the same message, Read the Book of Mormon, Meet the Missionaries, Listen to their message ,ask God if the things I have said are true. I'm not saying you need to change your life, If you receive an answer from God he will tell you what to do. I know you have felt the spirit, I know the feeling you get in your hearts when you go to the Church and to the Missionary Night, that isn't a coincidence, it's not just a strange or unfamiliar feeling, its God calling you back to him. There is so much more happiness and joy waiting for you. Just give it one shot; if it's not your cup of tea I will never bother you again with it. Just try it once, I know that God lives, and Jesus Is the Christ, through him we will quiet all our fears and calm all our nerves, I know that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God and he did see God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ, I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God on the earth today, he speaks and councils with God, I know that families can be together forever, and it’s one of my greatest desires to be sealed with you all. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, it's changed my life and I constantly want to be better every time I read it. I know that If you read and pray about it, God will answer your prayers that is a promise that will never change. Thank you for everything and I love you all very much.


love you no matter what,

Josh