February 8th, 2010

Family,

I don't have a copy of the stuff you said because they changed myldsmail, it's now like google which is really nice because the other one was waaay slow so now it's faaast yeah google! and all that stuff.

I'll trying and address some of the things I think you said. This week has been very good to me. It's gone by realllllllly fast. and I'm exhausted. I've been trying really hard to push the work forward here, It's my responsiblity to make all the decisions again yeah! I don't really like that--but it's leadership and we need leaders here says President! I've really enjoyed my mission here and with E. Centeno it's a nice change. We've been trying to work hard and I've been learning a ton from him. I'm trying so hard to be humble and teachable because I feel at times extremely inadequate for the calling I've recieved I can't speak Tagalog nearly as well as I should, and I'm at a disadvantage with my previous companions and never having orientations---but I can't complain the Lord is with me and it's exactly what I pray for trials so that I can become better than I am.

Something I've been really learning this week and I talked about this in the tape I recorded I'm sure I'll send out soon. About the power of the Atonement or Repentence. I've said here before that my mission is faaaar from obedient and I've know and serve with a lot of Elders here who have done stupid things. veeeery stupid things., but because President is understanding and loves missionaries who did not send them home when he should he have and I've seen the change in these guys lives here. And I've seen many people who I thought had no hope change into something new and amazing. I really learned that lesson here. People always say it's bad to judge to fault find. And I find that extremely hard not to do. But because of this experience I am now very understanding of people, I don't have an understanding heart like unto Solomon but I really enjoy my new perspective on life. I'm able now because of this amazing experience that you've given me to see past people's faults. When they yell or are "bastos" to us. I can see that I would have acted the same way in their circumstances. I really cannot write all the thoughts or formulate a cool sentence to express everything I've learned in these past 6 months because they are etched into my soul but I'm begining to see the goodness of people and the goodness of the Lord of course! I love this work and these people. I'm physically/Emotionally/Spiritually exhausted but I'm also rejoicing in my time and season here in the mission field. you may not get anything out of the last paragraph I feel as if I am ranting, but if you could only peer inside my soul and the thoughts that I've had this week I wish I could convey them but it's impossible. I'm still not perfect, I never will be. Even when I come home I'll probably make the same mistakes I did before---hopefully not but I'm going to doubt myself. This sounds very "protestant" if you will, but I really see the "depravity" of myself or how dependant I am on the Lord. I pray everyday for strength and that he will mold me into what I need to become a better son, brother, friend, eventually husband, and servent of God.

I suppose I'll end in the words of Samuel because I feel like I don't have much to say but that I love you and care for you, expect a package in the coming months---thank you for everything I love you more than you can comprehend.

"Speak Lord For Thy Servent Heareth"


-Josh



p.s. mom I still rememeber the words you wrote in your letter they give me great strength.