January 4, 2010

Family,

This week has been quite an interesting one, I couldn't help but notice the grief and sorrow that were in your last letters mom, Don't worry I'm fine I'm going through quite a refining process right now and it's good for me...I'd really wouldn't have it any other way. It's good to hear from Nana and Papa and I'll try to return their email after I right this one, I have a feeling it will be another rant letter, but I'm happy and joyful. To cheer up some misconceptions---I'm not senior companion (I feel like it though) --especially this week.

So I'll start Wed. We went to District Meeting and came home around 1:30-Elder Casuga wanted to sleep so I said fine you can sleep for 20 min I'll wake you up because we have an appointment at 2:00 with Jimmy. (Really awesome guy and is excited about us teaching him) So I was reading a book and then lost track of time so it was 1:50 and ran upstairs woke up Elder and told him we had to go because the house is 10-15 minutes away walking/jeepney, to which he replied hindi, hintay natin sila--or in english no were waiting for them..I asked who? and he said we were going to wait for the ward missionaries to get her at 2:30--to which I said no we are not we have to go the appointment is at 2:00 comeon elder get dressed. okay okay he replied and went into the other room. I went down stairs and waited with jay-Jay a member who's also the Ward Mission Leader (He served a mission in Mindanao) 20 minutes pass and I walked upstairs and to my surprise the door was locked...(I was fearing this was the case because after it was announced Elder Casuga's was going to be my companion... his last companion Elder Brag and Elder Bondoc told me he would probably do this) I knocked on the door and said elder "tara huli na tayo" which is lets go were now late. and there was no reply. I went back downstairs--I'll be honest I was getting extremely angry but the book I was just reading had a quote from U.S.S Grant from the Civil war that said something to the fact of this "No one can humiliate me or disturb me...I won't let him" So I continued to be peaceful and prayed for strength---30minutes pass and I was at the bottom of the stairs saying ELDER! Your called to SERVE NOT TO SLEEP. Anyways he finally came downstairs at 2:30--everyone was waiting for him and we finally left the house at 3:00 because he moped around. I was angry but I didn't show it--Me and Jay Jay went on a split him and I were both upset because one I have to really step it up and Jay Jay hates to see lazy missionaries. Then the next day happened this one is funnier.
We have weekly planning on the 31st and everything is fine, we decide to go to 3 appointments to Loida(we are suppose to give her a baptismal goal date, Don(we're just working out some things to get him baptized, then S. Donna( she cooked lunch for me because I've been working with her husband who stopped going to church) so it turns 1:45 and we're getting ready to leave and my companion says "We're going to Don first, then donna then Loida...to which I said...can you explain to me why? we have an appointment at 2:00 she won't be home at 4:00 and if she is she'll be mad we are late 2 hours.
Elder C. replies: well she lives in san roque and don in san Pedro it's a waste of "energy" and I said I don't care about energy it's appointments that's how we work--then he ignored me and bowed his head and started praying for us before we left and I interrupted him in his prayer and said "please help me understand the logic behind punting our investigators who are close to baptism?"--he then replied in illakono or tagalog I didn't understand and I said unfortunately "You're so lucky I am patient with you" we finally left the house and I was silent trying to control my anger--then on the way to Don's house I said this little spill to him "let me tell you one thing E. Casuga--I don't care if your my senior companion, my district leader, my zone leader, or junior companion---You will never disrespect me like you did yesterday and earlier today---you're called of God as am I--you're a missionary start acting like it you have 4 weeks left" to which he said "yeah okay" this made me even more mad however I swallowed my pride and just kept my cool and sung a hymn and kept repeating the quote from Uss grant in my head ha-ha. I'm going to be honest I wanted to hit him in the face...but did I? No. I wanted to shout and yell...but did I? No. I wanted to take him to the mission home and tell him to go home...but did I? No. Because I was afraid? Not at all. Because I was shy? Not at all. I've gained a new perspective on human relation and people in general--I see no reason in getting angry anymore--because you lose the spirit when you're angry and if you don't have the spirit you shouldn't teach.

^^Doesn't sound much like your son does it? Oh there's more!

So the last few days have just been complete silence in the house--he doesn't talk to me, and he avoids me now--whenever I go downstairs he goes up, or if I go into our study room he goes into the bedroom and locks the door. We don't have companionship study and I plan with jay jay because he's been working with me almost every day so I don't have to work with Casuga.--It's as if he has lost all desire to be a missionary because he goes home on Jan. 24. Does it make me sick? Absolutely. Is it hard? Absolutely. But I'm trying to fix it...Last Sunday was fast Sunday and as members of this church we believe that if we fast or not drink food or water for 24 hours and pray and study the scriptures the Lord is pleased and it's a great way to get answers for prayers.---So I prayed so that my pride would be killed, I'd be more patient, and I'd learn to love Casuga. and Suprisely our relationship is getting better I speak to him and make jokes and just be me, he however sometimes speaks sometimes ignores me as usually but that's life. I'm trying not to be biased in this story--because I can't stand biased testimonies--but I honestly cannot think of what I did to make him change.

I talked to one of our Assistance-Elder Cheney he went to church in Tanauan and we share a building with them so I was lamenting to him about my situation and asking his input to which he replied. "Yeah President has had trouble with him, it seems every time he's transferred we have trouble placing him, until we were all sitting around "working the board" and we were deciding who could stand Casuga for his last transfer and deal with the problems, and make it a good last transfer for him, and we all decide you would be best--so I mean you were "chosen"

I may seem down or upset or lamenting to you all, however I'm glad I'm experiencing this. Do I feel defeated? Yes. Do I feel angry? Somewhat. Do I feel like I could raise hell and make him change? Of course I could...but what does criticism do? It would just lead him to justify his actions and then be offended. I realized that dealing with people they are not logical creatures, but emotional and all throughout history whenever some is corrected--they justify or say "I don't know how I could do it any other way" and perhaps that's what I'm doing by saying "I've done nothing wrong"---

But I'm happy this experience is quite funny I've learned to laugh things off and my angry is cooling off, it's his last 20 days I have no desire to complain to president or my district leader--of course I'll tell him in my interview but that's on the 19th and I knew this coming in, So I am fine. The members are more excited than I am to see him leave...I have to hear about it almost every time at church---what's wrong with your companion, he did this this and this...and blah blah blah--but I'm getting so close to these people here I absolutely love them and I have so much fun at church with everyone.

Other than that I'm happy here, I'm learning not to stress or worry everything is really in God's hand and I'm very happy, I'm still finding out who I am and who I should be, but I've realized it's smarter to take one day at a time, instead of worrying about if I didn't work that hard yesterday or if I wasn't obedient.--so last letter was upset because I was full of worry and mad, but now all my troubles have gone everything is clear ha-ha if that makes sense.


In other news, the work is slowing down a bit here, probably because my companionship is weak, but I'm learning a ton from Jay Jay and I work hard everyday...I'm making friendships that will last a lifetime, I think I've grown closer to you guys the longer I've been out here because I realized how important you all are and how much you've helped me so much. I'm coming up on my 6th month? that's ridiculous! I'm forgetting some of the faces of people, I think it would be weird to be able to drive and to sleep into till 2:00am ha-ha.

New Years was so great! we went to Lipa with the Zone Leaders and watched the fireworks...The Philippines is CRAZY during new years-they start at 10pm with fireworks and don't end until 1:30am--At 12:00 My Zone leaders Elder Nuezca and Cabatuando and Casuga and I went out into the street outside their house, which is the highway (if you can call it that) and the sky was lit up with fireworks and I felt as if I was in a war with all the explosions and colors--we even had to dodge some of the falling debris it was such a good experience we then had lunch at nanay Bello's house the day after--our recent convert who was catholic for 55 years. we ate laughed and enjoyed the new year.

I'm so excited for what this next year has to offer and I'm excited for you..tiff will go to China, Zach another year of high school, Jessy still working hard I'm sure, and I'm sure Mom will find a new hobby to become obsessed with, while I find out who I am and become closer to the Lord.


I love you all so much and am honored to be a part of our family,


You're Eternal Friend and Son,

Josh